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Five Ways To Deal With Your Anger Towards A Co-Worker

The workplace can be a stressful place and tension between co-workers is very common. A recent example of this was this past Friday morning, August 24th, 2012.   Jeffrey Johnson was apparently distraught after being laid off from his job in the garment industry last year.  He couldn’t get past his anger issues and he would continue to return to the company, instigating confrontations with another employee during each visit.  The two men filed harassment complaints against each other, but the arguments continued on.   The situation came to a head last week when Johnson completely snapped and went to his old office, this time shooting and killing this co-worker.  Two people were killed, including gunman Jeffrey Johnson and 9 people were wounded all because of a simple argument between two co-workers.  This behavior could have easily been avoided if the gunman had effectively utilized therapy and anger management techniques.

Here are 5 simple techniques you can use to deal with your anger towards a co-worker to help eliminate this kind of anger and hatred from escalating: 

#1 – Change your self-talk.  Often times individuals interpret situations when they get angry that cause negative feelings to arise.  For example, if you are late to a meeting, do you think that everyone is disappointed in you because you haven’t met their expectations?  Learn to change this conversation with yourself, so it doesn’t cause angry feelings. 

#2 - You might want to invest into a handgrip or a squeeze toy. If you work at a deskjob, you can sit and squeeze the grip or toy. This has been scientifically known to help release tension and relax your mind. Squeezing something or having something to grip in your hand releases some of that tension you've built in your muscles which makes them tight. 

#3 – Take a timeout from the situation.  Count to 10, breathe deeply and go on an adventure in your mind to reduce some stress, anxiety and anger all at the same time. Imagine a place you want to be and truly put yourself there. Close your eyes and just try to imagine what you want to be doing at this very moment. If you have access to headphones, put them on and play some soothing and soft music. 

#4 - Don't try to encourage debates or arguments as this will only cause the situation to deteriorate.  Try assertive communication.  Try to be polite and respectful while expressing your feelings in a clear and calm manner.  It’s not just what you say, but how you say it that will gain you respect with your bosses and co-workers.

#5 – Try to use humor to resolve and diffuse anger.  If things are tense between you and a co-worker, look at the brighter side of the situation and bring up something funny about what has happened.  This will relax everyone and help calm things down.  

Being angry isn't healthy for anyone. Besides the devastating things it can do to your cardiac system, your brain and other vital organs, no one wants to be around someone who is always shouting or angry. If you're an employee that's having issues keeping their anger under control, you might benefit greatly from taking online anger management classes. Online classes are completely anonymous, they offer great support and are great for anyone looking to stay under the radar without letting their friends and family know they have a problem.  

How To Overcome Or Deal With Road Rage

Summertime traffic seems to be getting worse and worse.  It begins in June when all the college kids come home and we instantly notice faster and more reckless driving on our city streets.  Then all the families pile on the freeways, trying to make it to their vacation destinations with loud, cranky kids in the back of the vans.  It’s a trying time for many seasoned business drivers as they have to have a heightened sense of awareness about them, looking out for the increased number of lost, inexperienced and erratic drivers on the roads.

Seems that this otherwise relaxing season, brings with it more road rage than is normally witnessed throughout other parts of the year.   Also known as intermittent explosive disorder, it is a term that refers to violent behavior due to stress caused by incidents or accidents on roadways. Road rage is often a natural outcome of aggressive driving. The aggression and frustration related to road rage does not always occur because of too much traffic but is a habit practiced when you feel like retaliating. It is a choice you make by your own free will and is a result of a bad temper. As a result of road rage drivers not only risk their own life but also that of the people around them. In fact, you might not be aware of this but road rage is a punishable offence with substantial fines in many countries. In severe cases, the culprit's driving license can be suspended if he/she is caught causing trouble on the road.

Road rage is dangerous and can lead to physical attacks and in worst scenarios - serious physical injuries, or even death.  There will be drivers who are going to be rude and aggressive. But the good news is that if you control your temper and try to keep your temper in check when facing a volatile situation, you will be putting a stop to violence. Here are a few tips and tricks that may help you keep things calm and not react in a negative way while on the road:

1. Don't take it personally. Generally, the rude driver is not there to harm you on purpose. Some people just happen to be rude/bad drivers or they happen to make unintentional mistakes. It is better to give such people the benefit of doubt and move on.

2. Take deep breaths and control your anger with the help of relaxation. Breathing allows you to keep your stress levels in control and respond mindfully.

3. Don't abuse or offend while driving. This implies to following the traffic rules, driving in the correct lane and not making offensive or rude remarks/gestures. Be smart and avoid issues with other drivers on the road.

4. Refuse to get angry if someone confronts you. There will not be any fight at all if you refuse to involve yourself in the fight.

5. Give the angered driver enough room and keep a safe distance.

6. Avoid eye contact at all costs. Call the emergency number of your area if you feel threatened.

7. Stay away from crazy drivers.

8. Stay alert, stay focused, and stay calm when behind the wheel.

Online anger management classes are not only time-efficient, but also the best way to learn how to manage and control road rage. Online classes are virtually based tutorials, so it is easy to access information and review it anytime, any day. Those wanting to enroll themselves but can't invest much money in it can buy a low-cost set of tutorials/classes that differ in length. The best part here is that you can involve your spouse or a friend to learn along with you! Taking an online class for anger management is not only easy on the pocket but offers you the techniques you need to learn for a more peaceful demeanor.   

The Skill Of Conflict Resolution

Conflict resolution is an important skill to learn in life.  Starting in childhood, conflicts will arise on the playground, with friends and as we age we will find it handy to be able to resolve issues at work and within your family. Conflict resolution involves being empathetic, open to hearing all sides of the story and having the ability to negotiate and compromise with others in order to come to an agreement that is satisfactory to all parties.

In order to keep conflicts from becoming major ordeals, an individual must know and be able to work with a number of skills to direct the process to a resolution.  First, you need to use the skill of observation. In many cases a conflict arises because of differences in terms of what both sides involved need. You have to observe what threats each side is confronting and how these emotions are keeping their actions from being as useful as they should be.  For example, if a couple is getting divorced and children are involved, each side might want full custody of the children.  To successfully mediate this situation, one must observe where the children are most comfortable and safe and what the motivations of the parents are.  The issues need to be brought to the forefront at the outset of the discussion to arrive at a compromise. 

It is important that the individual is calm and controlled during the process. This includes being able to listen to the other side, watching that hostile, hurtful and defensive comments are not directed at the other side.

A major part of conflict resolution is having the ability to back down on your stance and compromise.  The individual might be extremely angry and hateful towards the other side, but one must realize that punishing the other side isn’t going to get them anywhere in the long run.  Individuals involved must be willing to try and satisfy the needs and desires of both sides and understand that the issue is not going to get resolved unless both sides are willing to give a little and compromise.

When at a complete stalemate, it can be helpful for individuals to create a useful “agree to disagree state”.  This works well to help control a dispute when there is something that two sides are just can’t see eye to eye on. This agreement allows both sides to move on and to focus on what they do actually agree on. It may make the relationship between two sides easier to handle.

A final necessary skill of conflict resolution is respect. It is easier to resolve a situation if you have some respect for the issues the other side is presenting. This includes understanding and having empathy for the feelings of the people one is arguing with.

To learn more about how to handle high conflict situations, along with controlling your stress and anger levels, taking an online anger management course can be extremely beneficial. Classes are easy to take from any internet based computer from the privacy and comfort of your own home, and are low in cost.  They are available online 24/7, so the client can log-in and out at their convenience.  Classes will teach how to focus on the present and how to put yourself in the other’s shoes when trying to negotiate a settlement.  The goal is to learn how to maintain your calm, and understand how to work with other people with your anger in check so that everyone is comfortable. 

What Makes Us Susceptible To Anger?

Anger is an emotion of strong displeasure and can be caused by both an irrational perception of reality and a low frustration point. Angry people rarely take ownership of their bad behavior but tend to blame others or particular events for their feelings.  There are several factors that can make us susceptible to anger such as genetic predispositions, modeling behavior learned from others, past experiences and the lack of problem-solving abilities.

Internal sources of anger are probably the ones that make people get angry the most. These sources of anger arise due to irrational perceptions of reality. Some of the internal sources of anger that have been identified by psychologists include emotional reasoning, low frustration tolerance and unreasonable expectations.

Emotional reasoning means that you are figuring situations out based on your feelings rather than the facts. Basically, the people who tend to reason emotionally normally misinterpret normal scenarios and events that are said by other people.  They feel like other’s actions are purposely threatening their goals and needs. They therefore tend to become irritated even at something innocent. In general, emotional reasoning can result in dysfunctional anger.  Furthermore, low frustration tolerance is the other factor that causes anger. This is the situation where one perceives normal comments or discussions as threats to his or her ego or well being. It can be caused by stress and anxiety and once the level of stress increases, the tolerance for frustration decreases. Low frustration tolerance can also be caused by emotional and physical pain.

Unreasonable expectations are the other factor that makes us susceptible to anger. This is a situation where we expect others to react in a certain manner or expect uncontrollable events to take place in a predictable way. Since we can’t always control how other people or events will respond, some individuals end up getting angry and frustrated.

When you are angry, you are not able to rationalize, comprehend or even make proper decisions because anger changes logical reasoning into blind emotions. It is therefore of great importance to know how to control anger since it is not always possible to eliminate it. Taking online anger management classes can greatly help with self-improvement and contribute to a calmer, happier life.

There are many benefits to taking a class on anger control.  To start with, you will learn to improve your communication skills so that you are clear with those around you and there is less chance of misunderstanding.  Problem solving skills and maintaining a sense of humor are also skills that classes will focus on to help bring down your stress level.  Another thing that you will learn from online management classes is mental re-prioritization. This means that you will learn to re-prioritize your views, goals and ideas, creating a more calm, positive you.  And, many of us may not even realize that we have lost the ability to know how to relax.  Online anger classes teach valuable methods for relaxation and creating a more stable, balanced environment. 

You can take the courses from the comfort of your own home on any internet based computer.  There are many classes offered online today.  Be sure to select one that is designed by a licensed and practicing therapist who specializes in the field of anger management.  This will ensure that you are getting the most accurate and current information available today.  

The Importance of Modeling Good Sportsmanship

Watching other parents at our children’s sports camps this summer has been really interesting.  Most drop their kids off and leave as quickly as possible to go to work or take care of errands.  However, I noticed that a fair number stay and watch their kids.  Whether it’s a swimming, tennis or soccer camp, there are always the competitive parents who feel the need to hover, comment and analyze their kids athletic prowess during what should be a fun, low-stress camp day.  It was amazing to me how some parents would actually interrupt the coaches and counselors agenda to speak to them about their own child’s progress.  

With soccer season just around the corner, it is a good time as parents to take a moment to reflect on how our inappropriate behavior affects our children.  Of course, we all want what is best for our kids.  We want to see them do well, be happy, have fair chances and excel in the sport of their choice.  However, we need to keep in mind that the way we behave on the sidelines, sets the tone for how our children will behave on the field and in life.  Yes, it can be heartbreaking when our child gets passed over to play the position he really wants, or has to sit out a quarter when he desperately wants to be in the game, but if we throw a fit and get the coach to change his plan, it will only teach our children poor sportsmanship.  

The society we live in has no doubt become extremely competitive.  While our parents were happy to see a group of kids join in an unstructured game of soccer, now we are in leagues, clubs and pay a great deal of money for coaching to make sure that our kids get on the “gold” team.  We all have the best intentions, but at what cost to our kids?  How many times do we need to witness a child breaking down and crying before we realize that we may be putting too much pressure on them?

It is our responsibility as parents to be good role models.  We therefore need to encourage good sportsmanship by showing support for our coaches and referees decisions.   Screaming and yelling at officials, or overriding the voice of the coach to call out directions to a child on the field adds unnecessary stress and pressure to both the child and staff.   We need to learn to calm down and enjoy the process.  Just like we experience in everyday life, sometimes our kids will have great scoring days and others will be disappointing.  These disappointing days can be turned into teaching moments to discuss how improvements can be made.  Focus on the excitement of what they can do better for their next game, find some praise in the days events and teach your child that not everything always goes as perfectly planned. 

For parents who find themselves unable to control their anger during their kids sporting events, now is the time to enroll in online anger management classes.  They are easy to access on any web-based computer privately in your own home, can be taken at your own convenience any time of the day or night, and are full of information on how to get your anger under control.  You will learn techniques and tips to gain control of unnecessary and aggressive behavior that will reward you in every aspect of your life.